One Room and Four Windows

Imagine a room with 4 windows. One window on each wall. The windows are of different sizes and shapes. The glass is different colors and opacity. Each window is placed at a different point in the wall. One is high, another is low, some are more to the center and others more to one side or another.

All four windows look into the same room, but someone looking through them will see different things. When they get together to discuss the room they will be dismayed at what others missed and what they didn’t see. Perhaps they will argue about the true nature of the room and what it holds.

When we are stuck, unable to take our next step toward our goals, we can use this room with 4 windows. Most of the time we look through the same window into our lives. And we see things from the same perspective. By looking from another viewpoint we open new possibilities and new solutions. That can make all the difference.

Most of us develop our perspective in life through trial and error and experience. Some of our experiences were handed to us like the family we come from, the church we attended when we were children our gender, our neighborhood and a hundred other specifics that we had no control over. They were givens and we had to make do.

We address these givens and try to make do. We try to find a way that works, sometimes to cut the suffering and sometime to increase the joy. We make our way through life picking and choosing what works for us and what doesn’t. We create a set of rules for ourselves, a system that helps us along, gets us through the day and let’s us make sense of our lives. Often this works really well. Sometimes not so much.

During coaching, my job is to open more windows. By asking questions, I help clients see their situation from new perspectives and help them open up new possibilities. Once these windows are open the way forward is often surprisingly simple. As a coach, I don’t just ask random questions hoping they will trigger new thoughts or work from a preset list of “really good” questions. Instead, I intentionally take time to open the windows that are closed. But first I have to find them.

Beginning with our first consultation I listen carefully to hear the details of the story they are telling and at the same time to get a fix on their perspective on life. Sometimes, i inch the window open with a little question. Other times I might tell a story, laugh, repeat what the client just said or any of a dozen other options.

New perspectives are scary. They can challenge our basic life assumptions and bring discomfort or disorientation. But in the end they help us get free. Even when we intentionally choose not to include the new perspective, we learn by seeing things in a new way.