It can be difficult to know what real love looks like. It is more than our declarations of affection, need and commitment. It is more than the emotions of desire and connection. Love has patterns of action that can be recognized, discussed and evaluated.
Love is never fully realized in a relationship and each of us can learn to increase our capacity to love. In fact, there are many who believe that the point of living on Earth is to earn how to become great lovers.
The patterns of love bring greater intimacy, greater connection, greater trust and greater security to your relationship. Love begins with respect, mutual cooperation and concern for the other. Here is a short list of the qualities of love that can cultivate in your relationships.
When looking at the 5 A's try viewing them in the context of the needs of every relationship: empathy and limits. Because of our life experiences and how we are hardwired, we will often find either empathy or limits easier to express. Notice which you find easier and which more difficult and then ask the same for your partner.
Attention - love notices other people.
Acceptance - love begins by taking people as they are, where they are.
Appreciation - love expresses gratitude.
Affection - love is present emotionally and physically.
Allowing - love encourages freedom, growth and individual expression.
In a loving relationship these qualities flow back and forth and are experienced by both partners. Love does not allow for a lopsided application of the five A's. Love sets limits because a loving relationship is mutual. In particular, acceptance and affection have built in boundaries that when applied mutually limit the exploitation of the other person in an intimate relationship.
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